Noodle Salad with Peanut Sauce

There probably is a lot to update in the healing department but I think I will talk about the recipe first.

I have made this salad a million times, a different way each time.  When I thought about making it I realized I was missing some things I like to put in it.  My horoscope, however, said not to spend any money today, and that seemed really pertinent since right now I have no money.  {Side note:  I do not normally make any decisions based on the horoscopes that show up on my google home page.  Today however, I was feeling very spend-ish.  Like I might go to the health food store and spend money on tahini, tamari, and sesame seeds.  Instead I decided to make a fabulous dish with whatever was in my cabinets.  Kind of like the show "Chopped" only there is no chicken intestines or olive loaf.}

I was invited to a small gathering of some teacher friends.  We really enjoy each other but don't have enough time to see each other.  So I would be cooking for 4.  So, of course, I made enough for 20.  Learning cooking first at a restaurant  really warped my ability to figure out how much to make.   I only make this salad in the summer, and the trick is to make the noodles early before the heat of the day makes it impossible.  I cooked a whole box of organic whole wheat spaghetti at around 8 am.  Then I decided, I might as well do the whole thing.  The only risk with this is that my sauce may really soak into the pasta, but I will bring along a little rice vinegar to brighten up the flavor.


Ingredients:
1 box spaghetti
1/4 C chopped onion
1T of ginger paste or grated ginger (very optional)
1 crown (3 C chopped) broccoli
2 handfuls of baby spinach (amount is not important)
1 1/2 C peanut butter (crunchy or smooth)
3/4 cup hummus (you could use tahini, but I only had hummus available)
{Side note:  Up to this point in the ingredients I was meticulously measuring what I was eyeballing for measurements because I don't measure.  It turned into a game of guess how much onion that is.  I am freakishly right on the money for eyeballing measurements.  Huzzah.  After this, I got in the zone of sauce making and the amounts are approximate (or maybe exactly right since I am a genius at eyeballing)}
Olive oil
Toasted sesame oil
2T Braggs Liquid Aminos (or soy sauce, or tamari)
1t fish sauce (optional)
1T sugar (honey would be better, but I was sticking to cabinets)
Now you need about 1/4 to 1/2 C of liquid.  I used to use orange juice.  You could use lemon juice but then you need more sugar to balance it.  Today I used peach-lemonade.  Perfect.
Rice Vinegar (about 1/2-3/4 C)

Directions:
Pasta
Cook the pasta in generously salted water.  Drain.  Add about 1/4 C olive oil to the pasta to keep it from sticking.  This is salad and it will be chilled.  The pasta needs to hang out without sticking together.

Use olive oil to keep noodles from sticking together

Transfer to a large bowl

Veggies
In a medium pan, cook onion in some toasted sesame oil.  Add some ginger paste.  Add broccoli with a little liquid (2T) (water, wine, whatever) to steam it a little.  Add 2 handfulls of spinach and cook until they are wilted but not so cooked they disappear.  If you're smart, you would cook garlic at this step.  I totally forgot.  Add this mixture to the pasta and stir.

My guess was 1/4 cup chopped

Sure enough 1/4 C

My guess was 3 C and 1 crown chopped was indeed 3 C

Sorry that it's blurry but Ginger Paste is so handy to have around 

Cooked broccoli and onions are underneath a couple handfuls of spinach

Sauce

Stir cooked veggies into pasta with sauce

In a food processor:  Put in peanut butter and hummus and blend thoroughly.  Then add Braggs and fish sauce.  Blend and then taste.  You'll probably say, wow that's too salty, I want to bring back the sweetness of the peanut butter.  Add the sugar, blend, and taste again.  You'll say ok, now I just need liquid.  Add juice - start with a small amount, blend and taste.  I would be surprised if you need more saltiness, but you can add more Braggs if needed.

Add the sauce to the pasta.  Yum.  Taste.  You'll say, wow that's good but it needs something.  Add in a little rice vinegar.  Stir and taste.  You'll say, wow yes.  Cool, more of that.  And so on until you have achieved perfection.  Serve on top of a bed of spinach.  Garnish with sesame seeds if you have them.  I used more leaves and cherry tomatoes on top.  If you're alone, just eat right out of the bowl until full and you'll say garnish, shmarmish this is so good.  This picture is deceiving.  It is not a regular sized plate.  It is a large serving plate.  This recipe would easily serve 12 as a side dish and 8 as a main dish.

Health Stuff
When I last blogged, I hadn't yet seen the surgeon and he had told me to stay home and rest.  Well, I couldn't quite stay home because I stopped getting pay checks and I started to feel panicked about money.  Sometimes I forget that I am in a we situation and my husband has money to give me to hold my individual stuff over and can pay our house stuff without my help.  Anyway, I went back for the last 5 days of school which felt great anyway, because I got to finish everything up and talk to the students.  I'm really going to miss my AP Biology class.  There were some awesome people in that class.

I saw the surgeon, and he had a student intern with him.  They concluded that things were not going well.  I had concluded this a while ago.  It felt like they were just staring at me and nodding in collective pity.  What do I do?  Wait and see.  Rest and walk.  Wait and see.  Continue on medication for now.  Up this one so you can lower that one.

My hopeful hypothesis is that I am a very slow healer and I have too much inflammation in there.  I am all for getting another steroid epidural but I guess they don't want to mask what is happening.  My hopeless hypothesis is that I have permanent nerve damage from compression of the nerve root for all those years.  Thankfully I have two hypotheses to bounce back and forth between.

At times, the pain is so intense I cannot imagine going back to work ever.  Other times, I feel like I have some management of it.  At times, like in the middle of the paragraph I hit a point where I MUST nap.  I just slept for two hours.  Sleep is necessary sometimes.  I'm not quite as weepy as I was, but falling apart always seems like a possible option.  Cooking is definitely a time to reflect, to focus, and also to escape.  I get very absorbed in the moment and think of nothing else.

Lemon Cheesecake Made with Real Tears

My leg pain has increased which means one of two things - either there is permanent nerve damage or there is substantial swelling in the area of surgery.  The surgeon did not seem optimistic and told me to stay out of work for the rest of the school year to give it every chance to work.  Also, we will need to take new MRI and CT scans to see *things* in there.

I fell quickly into devastation zone. I have reached the end of what is possible to fix it, and I am left debilitated with nerve pain.   I am, thankfully, allowed to take ibuprofen again which means I can decrease the bigger medications. I really cannot wrap my head around the idea of life long nerve pain.  Maybe that is healthy.

I realize that over all these years of living with pain and pain management, I don't look back at my life thinking over events about whether I was in pain or not that day.  It hasn't invaded every centimeter of my consciousness (I almost said inch, but come on, we have to go metric).  There remains a part of me that holds hope and the presence of mind to enjoy my life for the moments.

Saturday, I gave myself a break from the challenges of pain and misery to go to our annual Bergamasco specialty.  I handled the car okay because Nate set it up as a palace.  Ayla wasn't shown (it was an AKC show as well), but she was perfect all day.  No grumbling at other dogs.  She kept her eyes on me and Nate and just relaxed.  Afterwards we went to Jeanine's and Ayla slid easily into the dog pack there and played and snuggled and slept.  I received so much dog love there, and it was so healing.  Watching Ayla play and snuggle with her sister, being licked all over my face by puppy Amira, going to sleep with Ayla and her mother in our bed and waking up to a different combination all warmed my heart and made me laugh.  I never could have imagined how much these dogs would bring to my life, and they continue to crack me up and fill me with love until I am overflowing with the stuff.

Upon returning to our humble abode, the stress of my *stuff* met me quickly.  My worried of lifelong pain starting falling from my eyes in big blobby drops and heaving sobs.  I know I had a plan for how to deal with this... What was my plan?  How do I hold on?

My plan is to let my art heal me and bring me to this moment of life and breath.  In this moment I am living.  I am breathing.  I can be beauty.  I can make beauty flow from my being.   In this time, I have rediscovered my singing voice in the joy of garage band.  I have made collages which I have never done.  I stroll in the morning to look for patterns of green and gray and black to photograph and manipulate later.  And I bake.  

I really have always understood that day by day idea of survival but sometimes it is moment by moment.


Lemon Cheesecake.  

I adapted this from Annie's Eats which is a wonderful website.  Her recipes are easy to follow and make perfect sense to me.  Her recipe is for lime cheesecake with blackberry sauce.  I knew we wanted to lemon because we had a heavenly piece of lemon cheesecake at a cafe in CT.  I looked at a whole bunch of cheesecake recipes and they are all about the same.

Bottoms:
2 cups graham cracker crumbs (I achieved this in the food processor)
5 T melted butter
Mix and press into the bottom of a springform pan (I had one I had never used - exciting!)
The original recipe called for sugar here - I saw no need.  You may need more butter if your crumbs seem to dry.  I think I threw in an extra T of melted butter.

Cake Part
3 packages of cream cheese at room temperature.  Mix them in the kitchen aid for a bit to get them fluffy.
1 C sugar, add in slowly
3 eggs, add in one at a time
Juice of 2 meyer lemons (whatever lemons is fine - this is what I had), add in slowly
Zest of at least 1 lemon

Pour on top of bottoms.   Bake at 325 for an hour or until is seems to not really jiggle.  Some recipes insist that you don't open the door for the first 30 minutes.  I didn't because I was cleaning up but I have no idea why.  Now here comes the part you shouldn't do as I did.  I did none of that water in the oven business.  I had no cracks.

You are supposed to turn off oven, prop open door and let it sit in there for 30 minutes then take out and cool on a wire rack for an hour, then chill for 8 hours.

I wanted it last night, so I put it in the freezer - blasphemy I know.  This might explain why mine fell.  So it froze for 20 minutes, then sat in the fridge for 30 minutes and then we ate it with friends.  I did not regret one bit of my inability to follow directions.  It was completely delicious.  Honestly, the best tasting cheesecake I have ever had.  Getting the height right will be my next project.  I took one picture before putting it in the oven, and I took one picture of what is left over from last night.

You should make this.  I was thinking of the movie "Like Water for Chocolate" and really hoping my cake did not make people cry.  I cried explaining things to my friends with whom I shared the cake so it seems to still be my tears alone.  Ah, feeling the feelings, healthy healthy hi ho, hi ho.

Home and Spanikopita

So surgery number 3 is done.  Only minor tinges of leg pain here and there - which is the least leg pain I have had in over 5 years.  Back pain of course from the surgery but that's totally different than nerve pain.  For those who haven't kept track - Surgery 1 last June - attempt least invasive option of removing bone on my nerve root (lumbar S1), Surgery 2 in December - full fusion with lumbar cage and three screws.  Then no leg pain for 3 weeks but then grew new bone spurs on nerve b/c of bone enhancing meds to encourage fusion.  Surgery 3 yesterday - remove all the bone spurs and scar tissue to free up the nerve root.  I am trying to hold this line of desperately hopeful and realistically staying in the moment.  I can't really imagine being able to deal if it doesn't work and I don't want to live in the fear.  So, I feel my fear as it comes, cry a bit, and move on.

So I made Spanikopita on Monday and ate it last night.  Can I tell you that this cooking ahead thing was a great idea!!!!

I've posted this recipe on FB but wanted to share it here.  I learned about this easy version from my friend Kim.  You can make it in about 20 minutes and throw it in the oven.  If you don't eat it all at once, it stays great in the fridge.  If you were going to freeze it - I would say you could freeze it before or after baking.  I was thinking of using those cute little brownie pans with no edges to make individual ones without depending on weird folding mastery of phyllo dough.

Spanikopita Recipe (adapted from Kim Shute)

1/2 package of phyllo dough (thawed)
Olive oil - lots (3/4 cup maybe in total)
1 box spinach
1 C frozen peas
1 small onion chopped
2-4 garlic cloves chopped finely or pushed through the garlic gadget that I don't have.

1 small container of ricotta
1-2 packages of feta to taste.
lemon zest
2 eggs

In a large pan, saute the onions in olive oil (1-2 T) until nice and soft but not crispy.  Add in whole thing of spinach (stems and all) and the peas.  Cook until wilted not cooked down entirely.  Add garlic for last 30 seconds of cooking - keep stirring.  Burnt garlic is gross.

Put in food processor and chop until all integrated.

In large bowl, combine the spinach mixture, the ricotta, the eggs, the feta (crumble it in as you go), and the zest (maybe 1/2 T).  Salt and pepper to taste.  (I don't use pepper ever, but you might).

Assembly:
Use large pyrex glass baking dish or 2 small ones.  Unravel your phyllo dough so you can get the layers out.  Get a small dish of olive oil and pastry brush ready.

Brush a layer of oil on bottom of dish.  Add one layer of dough.  For this recipe you do not need to go crazy making your layers of dough neat at all.  Even if edges fold over each other, it won't matter one bit.  Add 5-6 more layers to the bottom with a little bit of oil brushed on between layers.  You also don't need to vigorously oil each one, there's a lot of moisture that moves down through it from the spinach stuff.

Add half the mixture.  Put on another 5-6 layers of dough with a little oil in between the layers.  Then add the rest of the mixture.  Top with another 5-6 layers of dough.

I bake with aluminum foil on top, which I take off at the end to crisp up the top,  I think it takes about 40 minutes at 350, but you want to keep an eye on it.  It's done when nothing is giggling in the spinach mixture (the eggs will have pulled it together).

This is completely easy and delicious.  It is not the same as the more authentic version with a million layers and tons of butter, but this way is way easier and actually tastier in my opinion.

I squeeze a little lemon on top when I serve it.

Sorry - I forgot to take pictures this time, this is from last time.

Recipe Index

Appetizers
Spinach Triangles

Soups

Main Dishes
Spanikopita
Cute little chicken pot pies
Dressed up veggie burgers
Spinach Triangles 
Noodle Salad with Peanut Sauce

Side Dishes


Desserts
Chocolate cheese cake cupcakes
Box cake but recipe for chocolate cream cheese frosting
Mixed berry crumble
Devil's food cake with cream cheese/whipped cream frosting (OMG)
Gingerbread cupcakes


Breakfast
Smoothies in Green and Pink
Mixed berry crumble

Spinach Triangles

I did big cooking. Big.  I decided to prepare myself some yummies for the week of recovery.  I made spinach triangles, chicken pot pies, and spanikopita (which I still have to finish).

Ok, I seriously made all three of these dishes simultaneously which made it much easier, sort of.  In essence, they are all things you cook and then stuff into something else.

Spinach Triangles
First, I made the dough for the spinach triangles:
3 C flour
1/2 t yeast in 1/4 C warm water with 1 T maple syrup
1/2 C olive oil
1/2 cup more water.

Combine and knead until a nice dough is formed.  Oil the dough ball and let rise until doubled in size.

The recipe for them is here at Wandering Spice
I made minor mistakes adjustments along the way.  While the dough was rising in a warm spot, I made the filling.

Filling:
2 packages baby spinach
salt
lemon juice
olive oil
lemon zest
1 small onion chopped fine and cooked in olive oil

I varied these amounts to taste.  You can follow the recipe link above for real amounts.

Woah.  Realizing I need to back way up here for this all to make sense.

Okay, so I needed to cook so that I have food to heat up and eat that is healthy and yummy since I am having surgery Tuesday.  Yesterday I realized that I am not functioning well without an unreasonable amount of pain medication so today I wanted to take it very slow.  We had a lot to do and Nate asked me to make a list.  So I took out the sticky notes from my personal binder organizer (will share that bit of genius on another post) and made a post for each task and put them on the frige.  This way, we can pull them off when done.  Cleaning, cooking, shopping.  Basically.  And all I can think about making is spinach triangles.  I had them at Pita Pocket near the Walmart in Dartmouth and they were good but I put both my hummus and my tabouli on them.  They were just spinach and onions in dough.  Then my friend brought me some from the Lebanese place in Fall River near BCC and they were so different and yummy.  I tasted a sweetness, a lemony bit and a crazy spinach texture.  How do they get spinach like this?  Well, that part at least, I did figure out.

You take the raw spinach, chop it up and put it in a bowl.  Then, put some salt on it and massage it in (kind of like the massaged kale salad that I will have to post some time soon).  Then squeeze the excess water out of the spinach.  I should have rinsed the spinach but I didn't.  I used the Maldon sea salt so it's not bad to have the salt in there.

Then I realized I had rotten lemons.  So I used the bottled lemon juice.  The mixture tasted perfect but once cooked, it really needed more lemon.

I rolled out the dough and made one batch of small ones, using a biscuit cutter.  Hold the circle in your hand, use a fork to put in a bit of the filling, then lift up three parts to the middle to make a little package.  I brushed a little egg wash on them before baking them at 350 until golden brown.  The next two batches I made big ones using a super large mug as a guide.  This recipe made 6 large triangles, and 9 small ones.

Yes, they are totally delicious.  Next time I would add way more lemon.  I intend to buy some new lemons and then squeeze more on before eating.  I froze three of them unbaked for this week.  

The chicken pot pie recipe is here.  I froze all of them unbaked and can just bake when I want them.  Actually, Nate can bake them for me.  

Today I will finish off the spanikopita and take some pictures of it.  I have a lot to learn about food photography but I think I am getting a little bit better.  

I must say I am totally freaking out about surgery tomorrow.  I have done a lot of work on feeling my fears and hopes, but still it is very intense.  I know this one is much simpler than last time, but still it is for lack of a better new word here, intense.  

Anyway, if you want to come visit, I will share my frozen yummies with you :)

Upcoming surgery cookathon hopeful

I'm having surgery number 3 in two days.  So I need to do some cooking for the week.  I'm thinking of spanikopita and the chicken pot pie thingies.  And some cupcakes.  For all I know, I will have no appetite.  But also knowing me, the appetite I will have will be for cake.

This surgery is much less than the last one.  They gave me some bone growth enhancing med to make the fusion work and my body built a bone spur (osteophyte) on my nerve root.  So the doc is going in with a laser to remove all the weird bony growths in there.  I am so hopeful that this could be the end of 5 years of pain, but it is scary.  Yesterday I cried and cried (which was good - it had to come out) - letting myself feel the fear of what if it doesn't work.  This time I will be more on the ball about recognizing any post surgery things as MS flare ups (that's indeed what the esophagus thing was).

I feel a strong urge to clean my house too but that probably isn't the best idea.

More later with cooking I hope.  If not, bring me cupcakes this week, ok?

Gingerbread Cupcakes and Puppy Love

There have been plenty of challenges of late, but I must say I am fortunate to have lots of joys as well.  Jeanine (the bride for whom I am the MOH) brought her new bergamasco puppy, Amira, to visit today.  All this sweetie wanted to do was snuggle, kiss, and play gently with toys.  Ayla put herself on strict patrol until I really encouraged her to play.  Then the two of them chased each other around the house.  

Jeanine wanted me to show her how to make my gingerbread and make it into cupcakes.  Yea!  It's a challenge for 2 people to cook together in my 6X9 kitchen but we worked it out really well.

Gingerbread.  I could eat only that as my sweet most of the time.  I know it's sort of an autumn food but  I love it all year.  I had not make them into cupcakes before and they worked perfectly.

I adapted my recipe from here.  Also, this time we used butter, but you can use coconut oil.  I doubled all the spices.  The frosting is all my own creation.

Gingerbread cake or cupcakes

Cream 1 stick of butter with 1/2 C sugar (I use organic cane sugar)
Add 1 egg
Blend until well mixed
Add 1 C of molasses and blend until full mixed.

Sift together dry in a separate bowl:
2 1/2 C all purpose flour
1 1/2 t baking soda
1 t salt
2 t cinnamon
2 t ginger
1 t cloves
1/2 t nutmeg


Add dry slowly, mixing after each addition.  After the dry is well incorporated,
add 1 C hot water slowly, and blend.  I always put the hot water in the same measuring glass I used for molasses to get the last of the molasses out of it.

It is a very liquidy cake batter.   For cake, pour in 9 X 9 baking dish and bake at 350 for about an hour.

We filled cupcakes 3/4 full and baked at 350 for about 20 minutes but I kept a close eye on them.  They are done when a knife or toothpick comes out clean.  They rose exactly to the top and were flat.  If you like a more puffed up top, add more than 3/4 full.  It made 14 cupcakes.

Frosting
1 package cream cheese
2-3 T vanilla greek yogurt to achieve the right consistency
2 T maple syrup to taste
1t ginger (ground)

This made just a little too little cream cheese - just enough for a dozen, so you might want to use 1 and 1/2 packages of cream cheese.

We sprinkled the top with cinnamon.  I tried taking a bunch of photos this time.  Working on my food photography.

When I make the cake, I just make maple whipped cream and serve it on top of warm cake.  It's marvelous.  This was a nice variation.  I think it might be nice to go in a lemony direction too.

Healing:  It's just been a pain lately but I am trying to deal with a lot.  Medication for tremors is pretty awesome but it makes me extremely tired.  Right now, one eye is closed because I am about to crash completely.  Anyway,  I hope this blog post finds you well, in love, in health, and knowing your heart's desire.