Magical Future Board

I haven't really been cooking much.  The heat makes the kitchen completely unbearable.  The sun shines in my kitchen in the afternoon making it about 2 million degrees above my comfort zone.  We've been eating out a bit (don't ask about why you may or may not have seen us at IHOP eating pancakes at night for dinner).  Beyond pancakes, I also love eating fruit salad for dinner or yogurt or ice cream or plain spinach.  In other words, food has been a bit hap hazard.  If you come to visit me these days, I'm likely to suggest going out to eat, especially with the early bird group.  And then, I'll talk you into going out for really good ice cream at Acushnet Creamery, where I always have coffee oreo.

I have, however, been cooking up plenty of ideas.  I have been drawing on the ol' toolbox and using meditation to chill my anxiety and to invite new stuff into my future.  I decided to make a future board.  I don't think this is an official title or anything, but I wanted to do a deep meditation followed by creating a collage.  The intent was to invite my future, to invite possibilities, to invite change, and to have a concrete product to look at to remind me of the intention.

The Recipe
1 to 2 Cups of meditation - any type will do:  deep prayer, mindfulness, guided meditation with a tape, speaking to your higher self, journaling - Get yourself in a quiet place where your doubts and anxieties are gently put to the side for the moment
10 or more magazines
Rubber cement or other easy to use glue
Canvas paper or another type of firm paper or poster board
Scissors
Clean table to work upon

After meditating, set your intention to invite your best possible future - not pushing for specifics, just asking for ideas of what's best for you, and always I add "this or better."
Cut out all the words and images that call to you.  Don't over think it.  Just cut them out.  If your brain starts to spin out about something, just notice where it is going and then bring yourself back to the task at hand.  You may want to sort words from pictures or just make one big pile.  Find things of beauty that call you.

After you have a nice pretty pile of intentions, start to arrange them on your board.  If you notice you need more images, go back and get more.  Arrange and start to glue.  It's usually easiest to do pictures then words but it depends.  Try the best you can to stay in the meditative place, keep bringing yourself back there.  It may help if you have a lot of stress to write your intentions down and keep repeating them to yourself.

Continue to cook your ideas and images until done.  How will you know you are done?  You will think of adding something and it will feel wrong.

I recommend looking at it every day.  You may want it out in the open in your bedroom or keep it private and spend time with it daily.  It may reach a time when it is done and the wheels are in motion.  Or it may be time to make a new one.

I've been working with mine for a few weeks now and I am ready to share it with you.

I love this board so much, and I have to tell you that my life has shifted in so many ways since I made it.  I was thinking that it might be fun to get a bunch of people together and all make one.   Would you like that?  Please say so in the comments and maybe ideas about time?  The whole thing will take about 4 hours.  It's the most magical thing I have done in a long time.

Healing

I am so frustrated with things with my health I don't even have the energy to explain right now.  Suffice it to say, I'm working on it, but it is a LOT to manage.  I'm too grouchy to discuss it tonight.  Maybe tomorrow will bring bright sunny perspective and fresh muffins in a basket at my door.

Home and Spanikopita

So surgery number 3 is done.  Only minor tinges of leg pain here and there - which is the least leg pain I have had in over 5 years.  Back pain of course from the surgery but that's totally different than nerve pain.  For those who haven't kept track - Surgery 1 last June - attempt least invasive option of removing bone on my nerve root (lumbar S1), Surgery 2 in December - full fusion with lumbar cage and three screws.  Then no leg pain for 3 weeks but then grew new bone spurs on nerve b/c of bone enhancing meds to encourage fusion.  Surgery 3 yesterday - remove all the bone spurs and scar tissue to free up the nerve root.  I am trying to hold this line of desperately hopeful and realistically staying in the moment.  I can't really imagine being able to deal if it doesn't work and I don't want to live in the fear.  So, I feel my fear as it comes, cry a bit, and move on.

So I made Spanikopita on Monday and ate it last night.  Can I tell you that this cooking ahead thing was a great idea!!!!

I've posted this recipe on FB but wanted to share it here.  I learned about this easy version from my friend Kim.  You can make it in about 20 minutes and throw it in the oven.  If you don't eat it all at once, it stays great in the fridge.  If you were going to freeze it - I would say you could freeze it before or after baking.  I was thinking of using those cute little brownie pans with no edges to make individual ones without depending on weird folding mastery of phyllo dough.

Spanikopita Recipe (adapted from Kim Shute)

1/2 package of phyllo dough (thawed)
Olive oil - lots (3/4 cup maybe in total)
1 box spinach
1 C frozen peas
1 small onion chopped
2-4 garlic cloves chopped finely or pushed through the garlic gadget that I don't have.

1 small container of ricotta
1-2 packages of feta to taste.
lemon zest
2 eggs

In a large pan, saute the onions in olive oil (1-2 T) until nice and soft but not crispy.  Add in whole thing of spinach (stems and all) and the peas.  Cook until wilted not cooked down entirely.  Add garlic for last 30 seconds of cooking - keep stirring.  Burnt garlic is gross.

Put in food processor and chop until all integrated.

In large bowl, combine the spinach mixture, the ricotta, the eggs, the feta (crumble it in as you go), and the zest (maybe 1/2 T).  Salt and pepper to taste.  (I don't use pepper ever, but you might).

Assembly:
Use large pyrex glass baking dish or 2 small ones.  Unravel your phyllo dough so you can get the layers out.  Get a small dish of olive oil and pastry brush ready.

Brush a layer of oil on bottom of dish.  Add one layer of dough.  For this recipe you do not need to go crazy making your layers of dough neat at all.  Even if edges fold over each other, it won't matter one bit.  Add 5-6 more layers to the bottom with a little bit of oil brushed on between layers.  You also don't need to vigorously oil each one, there's a lot of moisture that moves down through it from the spinach stuff.

Add half the mixture.  Put on another 5-6 layers of dough with a little oil in between the layers.  Then add the rest of the mixture.  Top with another 5-6 layers of dough.

I bake with aluminum foil on top, which I take off at the end to crisp up the top,  I think it takes about 40 minutes at 350, but you want to keep an eye on it.  It's done when nothing is giggling in the spinach mixture (the eggs will have pulled it together).

This is completely easy and delicious.  It is not the same as the more authentic version with a million layers and tons of butter, but this way is way easier and actually tastier in my opinion.

I squeeze a little lemon on top when I serve it.

Sorry - I forgot to take pictures this time, this is from last time.

Mixed Berry Crumble

Ayla is just the cutest.  She was so sweet and happy wearing bunny ears at my mother-in-law's house today.  I must add that I was so super impressed with her behavior.  On other occassions, she has been a little too hyper in that environment.  Today, she was perfect.  She slept under the table during dinner.  She kept her eye on me and Nate all day.  What a good sheepdoggie.  

I had been thinking about making this crumble for a few days.  So, when I got into the kitchen, I pretty much had a rough plan.  I knew I wanted a shortbread bottom and berries with some topping.  I'm not sure if I can actually write this as a recipe at this point, because I became sort of a ball of chaos in the kitchen.  But it's worth the effort because these were so delicious!

The bottoms were a stick of melted butter, 1 cup (plus more as needed) of flour and 2/3 cup sugar.  I stirred this together and pressed it (most but not all of it) into the bottom of a 9X13 glass pyrex thingy.  I baked it at 350 until done - golden brown.  I was normal up this point.  I saved a bit of the bottom mixture to add to the top.

I used about 3/4 of a bag of frozen mixed berries.  I didn't defrost them or anything.  I tossed those babies down on the shortbread bottom.  

In another bowl, I mixed up 3 eggs, 1/2 cup sugar, vanilla, baking soda, baking powder, and buttermilk,  I'm guessing it was 1/2 cup buttermilk and a teaspoon of each of the others.  I poured that on top of the berries.  Then I took the little bit of bottom mix I had left, added brown sugar, and 1/3 package of cream cheese.  I mixed them together with my fingers and sprinkled it over the berry egg thing.  

I baked the whole business at 350 until it was solid and didn't jiggle (I have no idea how long this was).  

It was really yummy.  It's not too sweet and would really work as a brunch item with vanilla yogurt on top maybe.  Or it might be really good with chocolate chips or a chocolate ganache.  

 I neglected to take a picture of the shortbread bottom by itself.  I just threw the totally frozen berries on top of the shortbread bottom - it hadn't even cooled.  I was worried about the monstrous size of strawberries but it all worked out.

This is the egg mix on top of berries.

 Tah Dah!  Finished deliciousness.  The crumble on top got nice and golden brown.  The berries were cooked and it was not jiggling.  The approximate full recipe is at the end of the post.  Please know that I was totally estimating because I was not in the mood to measure.  As I pointed out before, some of you think I like baking because of its precision - but this is perfect evidence to the contrary.

Healing:

I've been feeling overall lousy for a few days.  I've had a rash on my chest that has spread to my face (so pretty).  I've had to take benedryl and nap.  My pain is under pretty good control, but I just haven't felt that good.  All I want to do is lie down and rest.  I forced myself out for some walks which helps so much.  

I got a new bedspread for our bedroom - see - It's nice to change up the color scheme a bit.  I bought gray curtains too.  I've just been feeling...meh.  The good thing is that I've been giving myself time to be cat-like and loungy.  I took some baths, got cozy in my new blankets, and watched Deep Space Nine episodes with my honey.  Somehow, neither of us really watched that series so we've been enjoying going through it. Sisco is no Picard, but he is strong.  I love how not-Starfleet it all is.  They make all kinds of errors in judgments.  And there were tribbles.

Mixed Berry Crumble

Bottom:

1 C flour

2/3 C sugar

1 stick melted butter

Mix together and press into the bottom of a pan (9X13).  Press in all but 2 T of the mixture.

Bake at 350 until it starts to turn golden

Top:

3/4 bag of mixed berries (I used Trader Joe's here) - pour on top of cooked bottom

1/2 C sugar

1 t vanilla

1 t baking soda

1 t baking powder

3 eggs

1/2 C buttermilk

Whisk together and pour on top of berries.

Crumbles:

Add to the leftover bottom:

1/2 C of brown sugar

1/3 package of cream cheeese

Mix with your fingers and scatter over the top

Bake at 350 until it does not jiggle.

Note for the anal retentive:  This recipe is not for you.  You need to add and subtract to your taste and your results.  Maybe you want to use a whole package of berries.  And why not?  Who's going to stop you?  Maybe you want to add semi-sweet chocolate chips at the end.  Maybe more cream cheese.  I don't know.  Please share what you do with this.  Next time, I'll measure more and get the amounts more precise for even the most anal retentive of you.  But for now, put your perfectionism aside, and bake with berries.  

Chicken and Veggies in an Indian Sauce

The situation:  Need to use up organic chicken in fridge before the weekend.

The solution:  I'll find a new recipe!  No, I'll make something up.  No, I'll find a recipe.  Ugh.

What went down:  I put half a chopped onion in a pan and threw some oil in.  When I don't know what else to do, I throw an onion in a pan and wait for inspiration.  So then I put in a hearty squeeze of ginger paste (have you discovered this stuff in the produce aisle?  it's great).  I added a tablespoon of toasted sesame oil to the mix.  I chopped 2 celery stalks finely and added them.  It started to smell lovely.  I decided to boil chicken in another pot.

After the onions were translucent, I added about two teaspoons of flour, stirred, and let it cook a little.  Then I deglazed the pan with some chicken broth (about 1 cup- add more if you need it saucier).  I remembered I had half a can of chopped tomatoes in the fridge.  I tossed them in.  Then I added the last half of a red pepper chopped coarsely.  By now, it was a good looking thing.

Spices.  Hmmm.  I was thinking the whole time about a sauce I made in February when I attempted malai koftas (Indian veggie meat balls with a yummy sauce) so I sort of went in that direction.  I added 2 teaspoons coriander, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 2 teaspoons turmeric, 1 teaspoon cumin.

Oh.  You might be assuming I measured this stuff for real.  Nope.  I don't measure for stuff like this.  But I was thinking of you the whole time so I looked at about how much I was adding.

Salt to taste.  Hey, wait.  I have cilantro!  So I coarsely chopped what I had and tossed it in.  Side note: Cilantro seems so yummy, tangy and mild to me yet people completely HATE it.  Why is cilantro so polarizing?

Then I tasted it.  Yum.  I added some lemon zest.  I shredded the chicken breast that had been boiled and let the whole thing cook together on very low heat.

You could serve this over rice and it would be lovely.  I can't really digest rice right now so I had it straight up in a bowl with organic crescent rolls on the side.  (Whatevs, don't judge.  LOL).  I squeezed a lemon wedge on top.  Oh my.  So delicious.  

Here's the recipe in a list like normal people would do:

2 chicken breast, boiled, shredded

8 oz canned chopped tomatoes

1/2 large yellow onion

2 stalks celery

1/2 red pepper

1 T ginger paste

2t flour

1 C chicken broth

olive oil and toasted sesame oil

2 t coriander

1 t cinnamon

2 t turmeric

1 t cumin

 chopped fresh cilantro

salt

This makes enough for two hearty servings.  I made my lunch for tomorrow (bottom picture - sorry it's weird and upside down).

Healing 

I had an awesome session with my counselor yesterday and she said this great thing.  I can't paraphrase it right - Lighthouses can go out in the sea looking for ships to save; they stay on the shore shining their light to guide.  For me, this is about holding boundaries, not giving my power away, being the light that I am.  

She also said this cool thing:  

Time for a mental garage sale:  time to let go of a belief that is not supportive of the life I want to be living and replace it with one that is.

Also - biggie for me - I really am working on receiving.  Receiving love and care from others.  Receiving gifts from the universe.  Letting it happen.  Less controlling.  Yeah.  Hell yeah.  

Just Cake for Cake's Sake

This silly self portrait of Ayla and me makes me laugh.  Ayla is so snuggly and adorable and nearly impossible to photograph.  She always moves at the last minute.  So although this picture is grainy, I'm including it for joy.

I made a box cake tonight.  It's good on a Monday when there is no dessert in the house to consider a box.  We went to Trader Joe's yesterday (yay!!!) - and bought all kinds of yummy things, including a box cake of theirs.  I actually stuck to the box preparation recipe and it was great.  All you add is eggs, oil (or butter but I chose oil), and water.

The bottom line is that I have a real thing for yellow cakes with chocolate frosting.  I mean, I can't get enough of that right now.  I can't even think of baking other things.  I have to keep making different versions of it until I am done with it I guess.  This one had more chocolate in it by melting down Trader Joe's milk chocolate (big giant bars of baking chocolate in the baking section).  It's nice to have a cake without any butter as my last yellow cake was way too buttery.  Also, I'm not a fan of butter in my frosting.  A lot of cream cheese frosting recipes call for half cream cheese and half butter but it's just too much for me.

Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting

1 8 oz package cream cheese
1/4 C cocoa powder
1/4 C melted milk chocolate
2T heavy cream (milk would work too)
Blend til smooth.  

Health-wise, I had a tough day.  My nervous system was tweaky today and I spent a good portion of the day being shaky.  I've been diagnosed with MS but it's a weird form of it.  I don't have major attacks and I've just had funky neurological stuff for years and years.  It may be the cause of the esophagus problem but who knows?  Oh, and I have a weird rash on my chest that is driving me batty. I was supposed to see the surgeon today to make some plans but I rescheduled it.  I NEVER reschedule doctor appointments.  I was quite proud of myself for knowing that I needed to stay home tonight and chill out and make frosting and a box cake.  I did, however, talk to the surgeon on the phone and we are hoping to wait until June for the next surgery.  He said it will be same day or one night in the hospital.  Easy to plan and only a few weeks of recovery.  I don't know how I can get myself to feel ready for it, except that the leg pain is so insidious.

You know, I gave myself this blog to think *out loud* about my health and struggles but I feel terribly self-conscious about it.  I think you think, "Is she done whining yet?"  or "maybe this chick should eat less frosting and sugar" or "whatevs get over it already."  Oh, inner critics are very judgey and snarky.
I'm surprised that snarky is not a spell check red line and judgey is (even if I spelled it judgy).  I love making up words.

Anyway, here's pics of cake.  Come on over and sit on my new leather couches and eat cake with me.  And then watch me grade 2 mountains of class work!