Friday, June 14, 2013
Change is good and scary and I should make muffins or something but I can't swallow.
It's all amazing. The new school is wonderful, peaceful, high tech, accessible, high achieving, cares about students. I was chosen from 40 candidates. I feel very proud. I have to keep reminding myself of how amazing this is. I keep thinking it will feel real any day now. I think once I sign contracts I will feel the completeness. Years of working somewhere where there is always a possibility of bait and switch has left me feeling wary. I still feel like I won't actually get the job, but it looks promising. The only thing keeping me interested in staying in my current job was to teach a new course next year and they dropped it (budget).
My body experiences all this new change as ACK WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WE CAN'T DO CHANGE. NO, WE CAN DO CHANGE. NO, WE CAN'T. YES, IT WILL BE GOOD. WHAT IF IT'S NOT GOOD? WHAT IF NO ONE LIKES ME? WHAT IF IN A HIGH PERFORMING PLACE, I AM A LOUSY TEACHER? AND SO ON WITH THE SELF-DOUBT. And so, I can't swallow and I have heart burn. I so quickly manifest things in my body, it makes everything really simple to figure out. We also need to move closer to my husband's school and my new school. MORE CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I'd like to take a minute to talk about eating for esophageal spasm disorder. Not my usual baking routine but hey, maybe someone needs to know how to eat for this.
1. Mixed frozen berries defrosted, cooked lightly served over brown rice
2. Steel cut oats with apples.
3. Ensure shakes. Hey, don't be a hater. When you aren't getting many calories, these suckers are easy to swallow.
4. Strawberries and nectarines. For some reason, these fruits do not bother me.
5. Fresh veggies and salad are out. Throw spinach in a smoothie with almond milk, frozen berries, spiruteen powder.
6. Toast. Dry toast. Sometimes works.
7. Yogurt. No. Sadly no. Thinned down, maybe.
8. High protein pasta plain with salt.
9. Bananas chopped small.
10. Turkey burger went down okay. Small bites.
This all sounds bizarre unless you have been there. The GI recommendations are to eat whatever will go down without spasm. For some that is more liquid, and for others it is small bits of solids. Very cold water is universally bad.
Of course, I recognize the trigger here, and I am working that through. In the meanwhile, I need to gently feed my body. No baking. Just healing.