Elizabeth's Zucchini Bake

My sweet little puppy girl, Ayla, turned 5 this week.  We still call her Kid.  I always marvel at all the names people have for their dogs, and I wish people came up with spontaneous and fitting nicknames to call me at times.  We started calling her The Kid when she was a puppy baby as my older dog Orso adjusted to her presence.  She seemed like such a child compared to his old manish ways that he had even when he was a puppy.   So she is Kid, Sweetheart, A, Lady Fluffington, and Baby Girl.  My husband mostly calls her Kid and she lights up when he says it.  She knows all of her names, of course.  For her birthday, I got her two balls, realizing I never even gave her the chance to decide if she liked to play ball since Orso did not.  I fetched the balls a bunch of times, but she was uninterested.  I did get her a nice bright pink Elephant that is her current favorite toy.  And she got some new bandanas which she now loves to wear since her Auntie Eunice got her some.  

Recipe

For the moment, this post will not contain the many cool photos I took of food along the way of this recipe.  I decided to work on my photography and got out the real camera, as opposed to the phone.  It went swimmingly, until I realized I can't remember where I put the cord that goes from camera to computer.  So while I work that out, I have to share the recipe because I know lots of you are up to your ears in zucchini and squash.

My sister-in-law, Elizabeth is in France for 3 weeks or so (jealous).  My mother-in-law is picking up her CSA and sharing it with me while they are gone.  So I had visions of making some sort of zucchini cakes, but as usual, things changed along the way.  But the end product was, I think, a very original interpretation of flavors with squash.

Ingredients

• 2 large zucchini and 1 large yellow squash or some amount of such things.  When grated, it completely filled the food processor bowl (is it a bowl - it has a handle?).  What you should do then, that I skipped out of forgetfulness and heat, is to salt and let the water drain out of the squash before you move on.  It came out fine without that, but trust me and just do it.
• 1/2 bunch of basil coarsely chopped (you need some for the sauce too)
• small red onion finely chopped (it had an extremely intense flavor for a little dude.  Use a larger one if it's not fresh out of the ground)
• 5-6 garlic cloves finely chopped (these were not from the CSA)
• 1/2 or more of romano or parm or other salty, nutty cheese.
• 1 C breadcrumbs - if your mixture appears to be still to wet, add a bit more
• 2 eggs
• Salt - if you salted to drain water, you may not need as much.  

Throw all that in a bowl, mix.  Pour into a 9X9 glass dish and add some extra bread crumbs if you want on top.  Bake at 350 until it does not appear to jiggle or be liquidy.  I think it was about 40 minutes, but I was hot and ran away from the kitchen.

Sauce
I went in what you might think is an odd direction for sauce.  You could go with a basic tomato sauce and that would work beautifully if you serve it hot.  I made more of a bright dressing for it because I was planning on eating it cold.

In blender or magic bullet

• 1/2 C vinegar of your choice (I used rice because it was all I had)
• 1/2 C olive oil
• 2-4 T of finely chopped basil 
• 1T dry mustard
• 1t garlic powder
• 1 T oregano (dried stuff)
• 1 T honey or more to taste
• salt

Blend until smooth - really let it run until the basil is fully integrated.

I ended up eating it both hot and cold with this sauce and a dollop of sour cream.  I am a person who thinks almost everything needs a dollop of sour cream, and I have been this way my whole life.  You may choose just the sauce.

Maybe when Elizabeth gets home I will make it for her.  But really, I will just want to hear about the food and markets in France.

Healing

My doctor gave me a lower dose of steroid than last time so the side effects were much gentler.  Still, I feel often just a touch out of sync with the world.  The world is just a little too far away and slow versus my inner experience.

For MS, I got new brain and neck MRIs this week so I spent a bunch of time reading them myself.  Brain MRIs are not my expertise but I think I got a handle on it.  It looks like where I used to have a few very small lesions, it is now one larger lesion.  It is in the area of the brain called the corpus callosum which is part of how the two hemispheres of your brain communicate with each other.  Lesions here are largely about cognitive deficits and memory loss (um, ya think?).  Other than that, I didn't see any new ones except for one questionable area in my neck.  If there was a lesion there, though, I would have some serious upper body deficits by now.

I actually had a thought today that my leg pain/spine issue was created as a great distraction from thinking about the unpredictability and intensity of MS.  I'm forever looking for reasons why I am suffering with leg pain - always convinced that the next realization will be the one that sets me free somehow.  It's the worse application of holistic thinking - "learn your lessons from this and you will be free of it" - which really means - "you are to blame for this."  And I can very easily get stuck there.

I notice how some of my friends have retreated about my surgeries and disabilities.  Some of my friends cannot cope with the concept of a illness that does not go away.  Maybe to, over the years of pain, I have had times of more function and times of less function.  They may wait for the time of good function to reengage.  I find I keep saying, "No, I can't drive there" or "I thought I would be well enough for the car ride there but I'm not."  I was reading recently about another healer who became ill and realized people-pleasing became an impossibility.  And she missed it.  And I do too - being the one to show up places, being fun and predictable.  When I committed a week in advance to doing something, I did it.  But now is about moment to moment thinking and living.  I don't know what I'm doing in the fall.  I don't know what I will be able to do tomorrow.  I'm not sure what kind of night sleep I will have.

I haven't even begun to complain about heat so I'll save that for my berry galette recipe which is what is next.

Today I spent a deep 2 hours in meditation and made a dream board of sorts.  It is a collage of images and words of my hope.  I want to share it with others, because maybe the simplicity of this idea of focused faith with a tangible result will help someone else.  It is so beautiful.  I love it.  I think it might be too tender to share just yet.  But I will after it's done cooking in my energy.

I am reminded of the first mediation I learned.  I repeated these four phrases in my mind with breathing. I was taught that you cannot offer these hopes for others until they are full within yourself.  These words are a humble prayer.

May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be healthy in body and in mind.
May I be happy.

Pudding Thing That Was Yummy

Baking

We play card games with another couple that lives nearby every Sunday evening.  It is a fantastic way to end the weekend.  If we are planning and grading, we stop and go have a little more fun.  We laugh a lot and hang out with really good people for a few hours.  They have become good friends that are the kindest people you could ever meet.

This past Sunday, I felt inspired to bring a dessert, and the cupboards were largely bare.  I wanted to keep it on the low calorie end because we have been indulging a bit more than usual lately.  In my digging around, I find these organic, vegan pudding mixes, one chocolate and one vanilla.  I decide I will make one and pour them into little ramekins to chill.  These things are like wicked low in calorie per serving (less than 100 calories) and I used skim milk.  I started with just making chocolate but then the brain starts.  Why not also make vanilla and layer these things?  Why not make a quick cookie bottom and then layer them in that?  And so it goes with haphazard baking.

I find it so funny that so many of my friends think I am this baking for the perfection, but the crazy on the spot disasters and successes are just as interesting.   It's creativity without bounds or consequences.  Did I feel attached to the outcome of this thing?  Not in the slightest.  They are good friends.  Good friends are those who will tell you that your dessert sucks and break out the cookie bin.  Friends who nod politely at my concoctions are not going to receive my first tries.

So what was it?

Here's a super vague recipe but I encourage you to step outside the weird rule that baking has to be right, or perfect or measured exactly.  It's just cooking.  Don't start with souffle and don't be afraid to mess up.  It's sugar, how bad is it really going to be?

Pudding
Make 1 vanilla and 1 chocolate pudding (each served 4).  The brand I used was Dr. Oetker.  It was very tasty on its own.  Next time I would add more vanilla or lemon zest to the vanilla one.  And I would add a touch vanilla to the chocolate too.  When they say stir constantly, they mean it, so don't get yourself to multi-tasking.  Set to chill.  Put plastic wrap right down on the pudding to avoid getting skin.

Cookie bottom (all amounts approximate - LOL)
1 C of flour
1/2 C sugar
1/4 C cocoa powder
Coconut oil liquid - add until mixture is moist
Add an egg (why?  because it helps mystery desserts take form)

Press into a 9X9 glass baking dish, until there are no cracks.  Bake at 350 until not mushy anymore.

Let bottoms cool.  Once cool, add a layer of each pudding being careful in how you dollop and spread the upper layer.  Now if you were prepared for this, I would pile some berries on top.  But I wasn't.

Below is the worst food blog food picture in anyone's blog.  But this recipe is about sharing an idea that deliciousness can be random and loosely measured and playful.  Also, find some nice folks who will play cards with you.

Healing

Healing wise there is nothing new to report in terms of my stuff except that I had an epidural steroid injection, hoping that this will help my quality of life for a while.  My goal is a pain free meal out in a restaurant.  I realized today how much I understand managing with steroids.  Don't bother reading on unless you really care about dealing with this or helping a loved one with it.  All steroid medications are not the same.  The oral ones you take for poison ivy or a bad cough are not the same as an infusion through your vein of solumedrol and not the same as an epidural. The steroid medication in this is designed to dissolve slowly over time so that the medicine stays local and does not got all over your body.  Epidurals in an aggravated nerve root are excruciating.  It is 20-30 seconds of pain that you are sure will kill you.  But it doesn't.  Then they put you in a room where someone gives you lorna doons (score!) and ginger ale.  

The coping part is the next two weeks.  I vacillate between teariness and anger and peace and fear.  It is a weird time because the emotions feel so empty because they are emotions without a lot of weight or depth.  I get tired, swollen knees, and minor urges to clean my house.  Of course, this is not healing, this is pain management.  I am still not supposed to do much and may not get much relief.  We'll see.  

Nutritionally it is difficult.  My esophageal spasms are set off by the acid stomach feeling of steroid side-effects.  I really only want fruit and a little yogurt.  It is essential to replenish potassium because the steroids deplete that.  I take pills and drink carrot juice.  Carrot juice is just loaded with the stuff and goes down easy and smooth.  I don't know how bananas got all the credit for potassium.  Avocados and carrot juice are the way to go.  

I also get intense night sweats so I use benedryl and towels to deal with that.  This process is not for the faint of heart.  I'm certainly not at my strongest right now, but I sure have this down enough to have a plan.