Chocolate covered coconut mint thingies

I originally got the idea for these from a teacher friend, Tasha, who made them with her students.  Yesterday, on Christmas, I decided to give this a go...

I apologize in advance that I measured nothing.  I will make again with proper measurements and add them to this post, but if you are adventurous, give it a try.  Perfectionism be gone!

Using unsweetened coconut gives you the option to sweeten it the way you want to and the texture is quite different.  It will really change the way you think about using shredded coconut.  I usually claim to not like coconut, but I realize now, that it is the sweetened stuff that I don't like.

Recipe

Ingredients
1 bag unsweetened coconut (I got organic at Down to Earth)
1 can sweetened condensed milk
Peppermint oil (not mint flavoring)
Honey
Semi-sweet chocolate
Umm.... leftover vanilla frosting from package of organic cinnamon buns (optional) with green food coloring and some peppermint.

Start with about half a bag (2 Cups-ish) of coconut.  Mix in about 1/3 of the can of milk and 2 T of honey.  Stir.  You want a consistency that will form a ball.  If too loose or dry, add more honey and milk.  Too wet does not seem to matter.  Add 4-6 drops of peppermint oil to taste.  Mine is Young Living Brand and is very strong.

Form balls and put on parchment.  I used a small cookie baller to form them and place on sheet.  Place in freezer while you make more coconut balls or start melting chocolate.  I froze them for about 15 minutes.

Melt semi-sweet chocolate in double boiler.  I used Trader Joes brand baking chocolate that comes in the giant bars.  I used about 20 squares to make 24 balls.

Roll the bars in the melted chocolate and place back on parchment sheet.  Drizzle green topping.  If you are going to make a green topping - you could melt white chocolate, add 2 drops peppermint and color it green.  Or, you could make a mix of confectioners sugar and water, color green and add peppermint.

I'm not very experienced with making candies so mine were not that pretty, but everyone raved about them.

Healing

I have always struggled with getting sick around the holidays.  Like most people, I tend to overdo it before the holidays and am susceptible to whatever suspicious little germ that walks by.  I started getting sick on the 22nd quite predictably.  This year, I slowed myself way down.  I conserved my energy.  I rested.  I slept.  I meditated.  I talked to my inner child.  I healed without major intervention.  I'm quite proud of myself.

Orange Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ayla's sister Anthea is staying with us while Jeanine is on her honeymoon.  Ayla is loving having the company even though Anthea will not play with her no matter how hard she tries to entice her.  Still, they sleep with their little heads touching and walk the park shoulder to shoulder showing everyone that they are the coolest.

Baking

Right now, a hurricane is gaining force and heading up the coast.  So, we have no school.  A few years ago, Nate and I had a snow day and walked to the health food store to get cookie making supplies.  We wanted chocolate chocolate chip.  While we were making them, we realized we had no vanilla, but I have all sorts of other flavors.  We chose orange, and the best cookie ever was born.  Since then, these are the official cookies for snow days.  While this is no snow storm for us, being housebound in comfies with cuddly pets sure feels like a snow day.  I asked Nate if he wanted gingerbread or pumpkin bread, but he scoffed.  It had to be the cookies.

Recipe (adapted from All Recipes)

2 sticks of butter
1 and 1/3 cup sugar
Cream in mixer bowl until light and fluffy.
Add 2 eggs and beat until even fluffier.
Add 2-3 t of orange oil.  Depending on the strength of the oil, you may need more.  You can tell by smell or taste the batter at the end (I know - raw egg, yeah yeah, whatever).

Slowly add the dry after mixing the dry ingredients:
2 C flour
2/3 C cocoa powder (use a good organic cocoa)
pinch salt
1t baking soda

After well-mixed, stir in 2 C of semi-sweet chocolate chips.  The key to these cookies being over the top is getting good chocolate chips.  I use the organic ones, and they really taste superior to the others.

Scoop onto parchment paper lined cookie sheets.  Cook at 350 for 9 minutes.  They might not look done to you, but trust me, they are.  You want them just done so that they are moist.

Healing

I am continuing to do fairly well after my last injection.  I am finally getting a handicapped tag for my car which feels extremely odd.  I got a new primary doctor (love her!), I mentioned it and she rushed off and came back with everything filled out and ready to go.  Somehow, I thought she would say I didn't really qualify.  It will be nice to walk when I can but use it when I don't have the energy.

The thyroid medicine transition is interesting.  I can no longer go a long time without eating.  I actually get shaky and dizzy.  Perhaps that is a sign that I am actually metabolizing my food?  I don't know.  Overall, I do have more energy and am losing weight.  They cautioned me not to lose more than ten pounds.  Which I don't think will happen given that my appetite is significant.

Physical therapy is continuing to make me stronger and more flexible.  I love being in the pool.  Such freedom!  And always less pain.  The PT wants me to give up working or have a wheelchair at school, but when I am feeling decent, that seems silly.  I realize, however, that if I want to stop having shots (the last one was the most painful 10 minutes ever!) I have to figure out how to do less.  I need to sit my butt down more at work but it's so counterintuitive to me.  I think I might bring my rolling kitchen chair to work or get a stool with wheels so I can move through the room to help kids without being up.  Good idea?

Anyway, I hope all my friends and family are safe and sound for the storm.  Sending light and love to all of you for safety and peace.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

Friday, one of my closest friends, Jeanine got married.  It was almost a year of planning culminating in a beautiful event.  It was so gorgeous and romantic.  I have never been to a wedding where everyone was so overjoyed to see these two wonderful people finally find a partner who will love them the way they deserved to be loved.  Jeanine and Joe are a romantic and loving couple.  It was a joy.

For me, I loved every minute of it, but the tired did catch up with me.  So yesterday, I hung out in my pajamas and took it very slow.  Today, I went for a walk first thing but my body is still stiff and struggling a little.  Then, it hit me.  It's time to get in the kitchen.

I have been craving cookies and it is the season of all things pumpkin.  I had oatmeal and chocolate chips, and the answer was obvious.  Raisons might have made them even more perfect, but my husband loves raisons, and it's hard to keep them in the house.

Recipe

5 T of butter
1/2 C cane sugar
1/2 C brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 C pumpkin puree
2t vanilla

Cream butter and sugar until fluffy.  Add egg, then pumpkin, and vanilla.
Mix dry and add dry to wet :

1 C flour, 1t baking soda, 1 t baking powder, dash salt, 2 t cinnamon, 1/2 t cloves, 1 t pumpkin pie spice.

Then add 1/4 C honey to the mixture.  Add 2 C rolled oats and 1 C semi-sweet chocolate chips.

I used a cookie ball drop thing and put 8 per cookie sheet on parchment.  Bake at 350 for about 10 minutes.  They won't look totally done, but they are.  You want them just done so that they are chewy.

Healing:

I have been in aqua physical therapy for 5 weeks.  It's awesome but quite tiring.  It's not changing the pain at all but I am getting more flexible and strong.  I had another epidural injection last week which is helping as always.  

I had a bunch of nodules on my thyroid.  After a thorough examination, the nodules seem fine, but my thyroid functions haphazardly.  So, I've been on medicine for it for about a week.  It's crazy.  I have more energy and then it collapses at the end of the day.  I'm guessing I'm not quite at the right dose.  Regardless, as always, it takes me days to recover from busy days.  It's taken two days to recover from the wedding and I still feel like I could sleep a few more days.  

I am overdo for updating you all on my various health issues, but ironically, I am too tired to tell it all.  Suffice to say that I am holding steady, trying to take it slow, and deal with various aspects of pain management.  

No baking Only Healing

I'm still not back to baking but these crisper mornings are starting to get the pumpkin thoughts going in my mind.  I haven't had a lot of energy lately.  I have to nap a lot.  Like every day.  Sometimes twice.  So I broke down and got a new primary doctor near by to pull every thing together.  In going over things, I have quite the lump on the thyroid.  My thyroid has probably not been pulling its weight for a while which explains tired pretty well and the 10 pounds I gained while not cooking sweet things in my kitchen.

My thyroid has to be ultrasounded and then biopsied.  I am currently awaiting a cervical biopsy as well.  I'm kind of freaking out.  I think I can manage it all, but then it feels huge.  Just when I feel like I have a handle on the loss and pain of my leg, there is more.  I have had many cervical biopsies, all negative, so that feels less major.  Thyroid feels like something I'm going to have to deal with.  On the bright side, maybe it is a contributing factor to swallowing problems and those will be easier after it is removed or whatever.

I joined a pool.  The surgeon and the pain doctor urged me to get swimming. I went on Friday for the first time and wow!  My whole body was sore from head to toe.  Nate pointed out that I haven't had a good whole body workout in years.  I really loved it.  The pool at Healthtrax is super warm and inviting.  And there is a hot whirlpool in the ladies locker room - fantastic.  No dudes in the whirlpool.  The pool was essentially empty and I swam laps alone.  I bought new nice goggles because I was worried about swimming crooked (My name is Jess and I swim crooked) but there was no one there to bump into.  I am planning on going Monday night for Zumba in the pool.  I loved Zumba - I'm ridiculously excited to do it in the pool.

I have worked hard to reel in all extraneous spending to afford the pool and some other changes and I think it will all be good for me.  The gym puts your membership on pause if you have surgery or anything that stops you from coming.  Sigh of relief.  And they bought out my other gym membership, gave me a discount for my insurance, and my insurance gives me money back at the end of the year for going.  Win-wins all around this gym process.  God/Universe/Everything made it very simple for me to join and enjoy.  I'm thinking swimming will give me back my strength that I have lost over the past 6 years.

I started a teaching blog too because writing is the main thing I seem to be wanting to do with my time and energy at home.  It's great having two different worlds to express myself in.  I was asked to guest blog on an education blog so I am psyched to do that.

I'm writing completely stream of consciousness because I need you, invisible audience, to witness my slow and steady freak out about my thyroid.  Can't I just swim off a thyroid nodule?  You never know. Maybe I need to eat kelp and have seaweed shakes for lunch.  You know seaweed is not a plant, right? I didn't know until I was a teacher.  They are protists.  Little green animals.  So can you eat seaweed if you're a vegetarian.  Fine lines, folks.

Namaste and blessings to you and me and all of us.  And you know, if you are physically able to move and exercise, please do so.  Enjoy the luxury of that ability each and every day.  It's precious.

I promise high protein little "cakes" are coming for breakfast soon.  A couple cool afternoons and a little more energy and I'm all about getting back to baking.  I promise.  Not really. I promise nothing.  I can only promise that I am in this moment thinking fondly of anyone taking the time to read this stream of my thoughts tonight.  Love.

(The picture is me and my friend Emma who is adorable and snuggly and has the cutest feet.  I got to babysit for her and her big sister recently and I hope they ask me again and again!)

Magical Future Board

I haven't really been cooking much.  The heat makes the kitchen completely unbearable.  The sun shines in my kitchen in the afternoon making it about 2 million degrees above my comfort zone.  We've been eating out a bit (don't ask about why you may or may not have seen us at IHOP eating pancakes at night for dinner).  Beyond pancakes, I also love eating fruit salad for dinner or yogurt or ice cream or plain spinach.  In other words, food has been a bit hap hazard.  If you come to visit me these days, I'm likely to suggest going out to eat, especially with the early bird group.  And then, I'll talk you into going out for really good ice cream at Acushnet Creamery, where I always have coffee oreo.

I have, however, been cooking up plenty of ideas.  I have been drawing on the ol' toolbox and using meditation to chill my anxiety and to invite new stuff into my future.  I decided to make a future board.  I don't think this is an official title or anything, but I wanted to do a deep meditation followed by creating a collage.  The intent was to invite my future, to invite possibilities, to invite change, and to have a concrete product to look at to remind me of the intention.

The Recipe
1 to 2 Cups of meditation - any type will do:  deep prayer, mindfulness, guided meditation with a tape, speaking to your higher self, journaling - Get yourself in a quiet place where your doubts and anxieties are gently put to the side for the moment
10 or more magazines
Rubber cement or other easy to use glue
Canvas paper or another type of firm paper or poster board
Scissors
Clean table to work upon

After meditating, set your intention to invite your best possible future - not pushing for specifics, just asking for ideas of what's best for you, and always I add "this or better."
Cut out all the words and images that call to you.  Don't over think it.  Just cut them out.  If your brain starts to spin out about something, just notice where it is going and then bring yourself back to the task at hand.  You may want to sort words from pictures or just make one big pile.  Find things of beauty that call you.

After you have a nice pretty pile of intentions, start to arrange them on your board.  If you notice you need more images, go back and get more.  Arrange and start to glue.  It's usually easiest to do pictures then words but it depends.  Try the best you can to stay in the meditative place, keep bringing yourself back there.  It may help if you have a lot of stress to write your intentions down and keep repeating them to yourself.

Continue to cook your ideas and images until done.  How will you know you are done?  You will think of adding something and it will feel wrong.

I recommend looking at it every day.  You may want it out in the open in your bedroom or keep it private and spend time with it daily.  It may reach a time when it is done and the wheels are in motion.  Or it may be time to make a new one.

I've been working with mine for a few weeks now and I am ready to share it with you.

I love this board so much, and I have to tell you that my life has shifted in so many ways since I made it.  I was thinking that it might be fun to get a bunch of people together and all make one.   Would you like that?  Please say so in the comments and maybe ideas about time?  The whole thing will take about 4 hours.  It's the most magical thing I have done in a long time.

Healing

I am so frustrated with things with my health I don't even have the energy to explain right now.  Suffice it to say, I'm working on it, but it is a LOT to manage.  I'm too grouchy to discuss it tonight.  Maybe tomorrow will bring bright sunny perspective and fresh muffins in a basket at my door.

Elizabeth's Zucchini Bake

My sweet little puppy girl, Ayla, turned 5 this week.  We still call her Kid.  I always marvel at all the names people have for their dogs, and I wish people came up with spontaneous and fitting nicknames to call me at times.  We started calling her The Kid when she was a puppy baby as my older dog Orso adjusted to her presence.  She seemed like such a child compared to his old manish ways that he had even when he was a puppy.   So she is Kid, Sweetheart, A, Lady Fluffington, and Baby Girl.  My husband mostly calls her Kid and she lights up when he says it.  She knows all of her names, of course.  For her birthday, I got her two balls, realizing I never even gave her the chance to decide if she liked to play ball since Orso did not.  I fetched the balls a bunch of times, but she was uninterested.  I did get her a nice bright pink Elephant that is her current favorite toy.  And she got some new bandanas which she now loves to wear since her Auntie Eunice got her some.  

Recipe

For the moment, this post will not contain the many cool photos I took of food along the way of this recipe.  I decided to work on my photography and got out the real camera, as opposed to the phone.  It went swimmingly, until I realized I can't remember where I put the cord that goes from camera to computer.  So while I work that out, I have to share the recipe because I know lots of you are up to your ears in zucchini and squash.

My sister-in-law, Elizabeth is in France for 3 weeks or so (jealous).  My mother-in-law is picking up her CSA and sharing it with me while they are gone.  So I had visions of making some sort of zucchini cakes, but as usual, things changed along the way.  But the end product was, I think, a very original interpretation of flavors with squash.

Ingredients

• 2 large zucchini and 1 large yellow squash or some amount of such things.  When grated, it completely filled the food processor bowl (is it a bowl - it has a handle?).  What you should do then, that I skipped out of forgetfulness and heat, is to salt and let the water drain out of the squash before you move on.  It came out fine without that, but trust me and just do it.
• 1/2 bunch of basil coarsely chopped (you need some for the sauce too)
• small red onion finely chopped (it had an extremely intense flavor for a little dude.  Use a larger one if it's not fresh out of the ground)
• 5-6 garlic cloves finely chopped (these were not from the CSA)
• 1/2 or more of romano or parm or other salty, nutty cheese.
• 1 C breadcrumbs - if your mixture appears to be still to wet, add a bit more
• 2 eggs
• Salt - if you salted to drain water, you may not need as much.  

Throw all that in a bowl, mix.  Pour into a 9X9 glass dish and add some extra bread crumbs if you want on top.  Bake at 350 until it does not appear to jiggle or be liquidy.  I think it was about 40 minutes, but I was hot and ran away from the kitchen.

Sauce
I went in what you might think is an odd direction for sauce.  You could go with a basic tomato sauce and that would work beautifully if you serve it hot.  I made more of a bright dressing for it because I was planning on eating it cold.

In blender or magic bullet

• 1/2 C vinegar of your choice (I used rice because it was all I had)
• 1/2 C olive oil
• 2-4 T of finely chopped basil 
• 1T dry mustard
• 1t garlic powder
• 1 T oregano (dried stuff)
• 1 T honey or more to taste
• salt

Blend until smooth - really let it run until the basil is fully integrated.

I ended up eating it both hot and cold with this sauce and a dollop of sour cream.  I am a person who thinks almost everything needs a dollop of sour cream, and I have been this way my whole life.  You may choose just the sauce.

Maybe when Elizabeth gets home I will make it for her.  But really, I will just want to hear about the food and markets in France.

Healing

My doctor gave me a lower dose of steroid than last time so the side effects were much gentler.  Still, I feel often just a touch out of sync with the world.  The world is just a little too far away and slow versus my inner experience.

For MS, I got new brain and neck MRIs this week so I spent a bunch of time reading them myself.  Brain MRIs are not my expertise but I think I got a handle on it.  It looks like where I used to have a few very small lesions, it is now one larger lesion.  It is in the area of the brain called the corpus callosum which is part of how the two hemispheres of your brain communicate with each other.  Lesions here are largely about cognitive deficits and memory loss (um, ya think?).  Other than that, I didn't see any new ones except for one questionable area in my neck.  If there was a lesion there, though, I would have some serious upper body deficits by now.

I actually had a thought today that my leg pain/spine issue was created as a great distraction from thinking about the unpredictability and intensity of MS.  I'm forever looking for reasons why I am suffering with leg pain - always convinced that the next realization will be the one that sets me free somehow.  It's the worse application of holistic thinking - "learn your lessons from this and you will be free of it" - which really means - "you are to blame for this."  And I can very easily get stuck there.

I notice how some of my friends have retreated about my surgeries and disabilities.  Some of my friends cannot cope with the concept of a illness that does not go away.  Maybe to, over the years of pain, I have had times of more function and times of less function.  They may wait for the time of good function to reengage.  I find I keep saying, "No, I can't drive there" or "I thought I would be well enough for the car ride there but I'm not."  I was reading recently about another healer who became ill and realized people-pleasing became an impossibility.  And she missed it.  And I do too - being the one to show up places, being fun and predictable.  When I committed a week in advance to doing something, I did it.  But now is about moment to moment thinking and living.  I don't know what I'm doing in the fall.  I don't know what I will be able to do tomorrow.  I'm not sure what kind of night sleep I will have.

I haven't even begun to complain about heat so I'll save that for my berry galette recipe which is what is next.

Today I spent a deep 2 hours in meditation and made a dream board of sorts.  It is a collage of images and words of my hope.  I want to share it with others, because maybe the simplicity of this idea of focused faith with a tangible result will help someone else.  It is so beautiful.  I love it.  I think it might be too tender to share just yet.  But I will after it's done cooking in my energy.

I am reminded of the first mediation I learned.  I repeated these four phrases in my mind with breathing. I was taught that you cannot offer these hopes for others until they are full within yourself.  These words are a humble prayer.

May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be healthy in body and in mind.
May I be happy.

Pudding Thing That Was Yummy

Baking

We play card games with another couple that lives nearby every Sunday evening.  It is a fantastic way to end the weekend.  If we are planning and grading, we stop and go have a little more fun.  We laugh a lot and hang out with really good people for a few hours.  They have become good friends that are the kindest people you could ever meet.

This past Sunday, I felt inspired to bring a dessert, and the cupboards were largely bare.  I wanted to keep it on the low calorie end because we have been indulging a bit more than usual lately.  In my digging around, I find these organic, vegan pudding mixes, one chocolate and one vanilla.  I decide I will make one and pour them into little ramekins to chill.  These things are like wicked low in calorie per serving (less than 100 calories) and I used skim milk.  I started with just making chocolate but then the brain starts.  Why not also make vanilla and layer these things?  Why not make a quick cookie bottom and then layer them in that?  And so it goes with haphazard baking.

I find it so funny that so many of my friends think I am this baking for the perfection, but the crazy on the spot disasters and successes are just as interesting.   It's creativity without bounds or consequences.  Did I feel attached to the outcome of this thing?  Not in the slightest.  They are good friends.  Good friends are those who will tell you that your dessert sucks and break out the cookie bin.  Friends who nod politely at my concoctions are not going to receive my first tries.

So what was it?

Here's a super vague recipe but I encourage you to step outside the weird rule that baking has to be right, or perfect or measured exactly.  It's just cooking.  Don't start with souffle and don't be afraid to mess up.  It's sugar, how bad is it really going to be?

Pudding
Make 1 vanilla and 1 chocolate pudding (each served 4).  The brand I used was Dr. Oetker.  It was very tasty on its own.  Next time I would add more vanilla or lemon zest to the vanilla one.  And I would add a touch vanilla to the chocolate too.  When they say stir constantly, they mean it, so don't get yourself to multi-tasking.  Set to chill.  Put plastic wrap right down on the pudding to avoid getting skin.

Cookie bottom (all amounts approximate - LOL)
1 C of flour
1/2 C sugar
1/4 C cocoa powder
Coconut oil liquid - add until mixture is moist
Add an egg (why?  because it helps mystery desserts take form)

Press into a 9X9 glass baking dish, until there are no cracks.  Bake at 350 until not mushy anymore.

Let bottoms cool.  Once cool, add a layer of each pudding being careful in how you dollop and spread the upper layer.  Now if you were prepared for this, I would pile some berries on top.  But I wasn't.

Below is the worst food blog food picture in anyone's blog.  But this recipe is about sharing an idea that deliciousness can be random and loosely measured and playful.  Also, find some nice folks who will play cards with you.

Healing

Healing wise there is nothing new to report in terms of my stuff except that I had an epidural steroid injection, hoping that this will help my quality of life for a while.  My goal is a pain free meal out in a restaurant.  I realized today how much I understand managing with steroids.  Don't bother reading on unless you really care about dealing with this or helping a loved one with it.  All steroid medications are not the same.  The oral ones you take for poison ivy or a bad cough are not the same as an infusion through your vein of solumedrol and not the same as an epidural. The steroid medication in this is designed to dissolve slowly over time so that the medicine stays local and does not got all over your body.  Epidurals in an aggravated nerve root are excruciating.  It is 20-30 seconds of pain that you are sure will kill you.  But it doesn't.  Then they put you in a room where someone gives you lorna doons (score!) and ginger ale.  

The coping part is the next two weeks.  I vacillate between teariness and anger and peace and fear.  It is a weird time because the emotions feel so empty because they are emotions without a lot of weight or depth.  I get tired, swollen knees, and minor urges to clean my house.  Of course, this is not healing, this is pain management.  I am still not supposed to do much and may not get much relief.  We'll see.  

Nutritionally it is difficult.  My esophageal spasms are set off by the acid stomach feeling of steroid side-effects.  I really only want fruit and a little yogurt.  It is essential to replenish potassium because the steroids deplete that.  I take pills and drink carrot juice.  Carrot juice is just loaded with the stuff and goes down easy and smooth.  I don't know how bananas got all the credit for potassium.  Avocados and carrot juice are the way to go.  

I also get intense night sweats so I use benedryl and towels to deal with that.  This process is not for the faint of heart.  I'm certainly not at my strongest right now, but I sure have this down enough to have a plan.